Drawing the line between role play and creep rehearsals.

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Drawing the line between role play and creep rehearsals.

Role play is alot like Pandora's box. You have no idea what you are going to find until you open it, and once opened, it is impossible to pretend that it doesn't exist. In practice, this is what pornography is, especially on the internet; just one, cinematic role play of whatever your mind can conceive of that involves sex and ___insert anything here___. (Pun intended).

And as you all know, there are some seriously broken, damaged individuals out there who really need intense counseling, heavy medication or more Jesus in their life. I can never tell which.

In person, however, roleplay takes on a whole other level of uncomfortable when you don't understand where someone is coming from, or where they are going with something. Then, you immediately start asking yourself questions about whether this is harmless role play or creep rehearsal for future acting out in real time with a not-so-voluntary participant. As women, this question strikes closer to our hearts than it does yours since we have been dealing with the creepy, the predatory and the sexually abusive from childhood and it isn't limited to strangers or know sex offender registrants. This is a sad statement to make about the affairs of the world but it is true and pretending otherwise or arguing it doesn't make it any less true or real for females everywhere.

The value of a decent human being who is also a male is priceless in ways that we can't begin to explain adequately and no, this does not mean that we feel compelled to drop to our knees and give you a blow job in admiration and thanks. Nice fantasy, though, right? :-)

As a mature female (read: definitely NOT to be confused with a teenager or anyone only slightly older), I don't attract the creepy guys all trying to play out their Daddy-Little Girl power fantasies or incest fantasies (THANK GOD!). I do, however, get men who would like to play out the young boy with older woman (mother-aunt-babysitter-teacher-etc) fantasies and that does not bother me. The question becomes... why? Why would this be different? And the answer is not what you think it is.

The difference is that when someone comes to me and wants to play out being vulnerable, weaker or "at my mercy" in whatever role play that takes, this isn't a rehearsal for real life because its not like they are going to magically convince their aunt to suddenly seduce them while they play helpless to her wiles. The power dynamic in this situation is not one of rehearsing how to seduce/abuse/molest someone but about being let off the hook of adult responsibility and wanting to experience a level of psycho-sexual intimacy that cannot happen without the other person's voluntary and conscious participation.

Translation: Pretending to have sex with your mother is just a fantasy because in order for this to happen in real life, your mom actually has to want to have sex with you and agree to it.

However, when it is the other way around and we are doing this creepy Daddy-Little Girl role play what it really becomes is a rehearsal for the adult male to seduce/abuse/molest someone who probably really IS at his mercy in real life. We have no way of knowing ahead of time if this is only happening in his head or if he is just practicing with the adult provider before he gets the nerve and opportunity to test drive this on the real object of his obsessions. And in these scenarios, the "little girl" (in real life or role play) does not have the power to object, refuse or respond with a conscious awareness of what they are being asked to do. And that is not acceptable and happens far too often in real life at every age for a woman, and nearly all of us.

So this is the reason I am okay with role play in one form but not the other.

And in all cases with MY role play, it is all about love, nurturing, soothing maternal energy and being a loving authority. Folks looking for an adult female to abuse, humiliate or otherwise degrade them in ways that are just abusive will always be encouraged to seek out someone else. That isn't my game or my delight in life.

It was an interesting puzzle for me to work out this morning so I thought I would share. More soon!